Is the bar too high?
Do you often compare yourself to others:: beauty, looks, success, wealth, home, car, job? Ahem, or career.
First, let me apologize because I was trying to sideswipe you to continue as if there hasn't been a few weeks since the last time I blogged.
Do we strive too far?
There comes a certain point in your life when you are at an event, more likely social, more alarming family ::.... and you just POP in your head! Just like that with the zippy exclamation point (don't overdue it with multiples::.... that screams desperate for attention ....:: so you tend to ignore it or stop reading right there).
I found myself at my stepdaughter's wedding, as the "evil stepmother" I told everyone I was. That was to downplay no input and my manners meter on high alert. It became a time that because of my non role yet close observer of the past 12 years of the bride's life.
Try facing off two mother grizzly bears, it may not be pretty. But manners prevailed and we treated each other with one acknowledgement and handshake (no hug and definitely no kiss to signify how genuine our gestures were).
Thankfully I'm no "other woman". I came from picking up the pieces of a divorce and trying to make sure her kids were glued together. I'm not even going to give it any respect and avoid saying that I'm the victim. Because I was the woman in the marriage, the career magnifico, mom superior superwoman, and likely lastly wife.
At such a juncture in time and after 12 years, it would be misleading to not say that there was curiosity out there. I mean, the "other woman" had had the chance to be involved this duo were, instead deciding to leap outta the picture to avoid the scandal that even not that many years ago would have been frowned upon.
So who was this mother and former wife? I guess I wanted to see for myself and do what we do best we women, compare myself to this woman. How pathetic when you think about it because I could not believe anyone would give up the chance to be married and committed to Rob for the awesome, thoughtful teddy bear he is.
I then decided to be less traditional::.... compare myself to the ex-wife, mother whom I played Head Coach for daughter ::..... most women wouldn't admit to it, be it they are the wrongee or the wrong doer, that they compare themselves to the other woman. There are a lot of ridiculous benchmarks that just POP out there again.
- Shoes (did they match the purse?)
- Any scarf, nail manicure, pedicure, evidence of formal fix er up
- Body size, body shape, curvy, skinny, plump, thin
- Make up, eyebrow shape and whether it needs plucking
- Hair color, health, fried or gleaming?
- Teeth white, whitener, straightened by braces or hidden behind veneers
- Her kid(s) all of the above times however many kids
- Work, stay-at-home mom, work-at-home mom, job, status, organization
I sorta apologize ::.... I got on a roll. But the amazing part is that we can compute all of this information and filter it all to arrive at warning: "Threat" or "Possible Aly" ..... all under a minute. The masters can talk while taking it all in and processing it all under the world's largest microprocessor: the woman's mind.
I started my inventory differently. I guess I wanted to be a bit unbiased and objective when I was comparing her now husband to my husband, her ex-husband. (Yeah, I know, talking and writing like a woman who is processing information and spewing it out faster than any satellite network (aka faster than the largest telecommunications networks data). Amazing eh?
I have to admit, I didn't think of it until only a couple of days ago: Sunday. The day after the wedding. We women like to take in information, process it, exume it, but of all store information for later use so we can pull it out and extrapolate it, examine it, research it if need be, so that we have dissected it into the smallest of topics. Then we speak to our mother, sister, brother, aunt, father, sister's best friend, brothers girlfriend, uncle, friend, acquaintances or therapy session.
I came out the lucky one. My husband is awesome and he loves his family immensely. That exuded from him in fumes, so light and almost vaporless. I won't go on the scorn at her or ask her to give her head a shake. Her new husband is a shell and only one quarter as interesting as my husband. And that just about covers every area you can imagine, and the one you thought it implied.
I'll have to make up for being MIA the past few weeks by writing a little be more over the coming weeks.
Be healthy, be happy, and be hypercritical ...........:: LOL, checking to see if you're still with me ............::