Showing posts with label Quora. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Quora. Show all posts

Thursday, March 1, 2018

ON CHILDREN: Lead by example




Quora.com invites me with increasing regularity to answer questions on relationships.  It is the least I can do:  share my own perspective and advice on parenting.  


I'm qualified:  I have 4 children:  3 girls and 1 boy.  Blended 2nd marriage to the "Hunkster Hubster" who often joins me in these discussions and when asked gives his perspective often.  Everyone in our family values his point of view and his judgement.


So, here is what I was asked to answer with the following my response:


 My daughter is 13 years old. She is an only child who cares much about what her peers think of her. When do I talk to her about sex and how do I approach it?



My first child (of 4) is the only boy.


As his mother, I read all the notes that came home and what curriculum was being covered. When I knew it was being covered shortly, I asked him conversationally if he knew about what was coming up in Health (where sex education falls under here in my part of Canada).

I made him a deal. I said that if he had any questions that he wanted to ask me instead of among his classmates he could.

It was an uncomfortable question. I answered it after clarifying a bunch of things to see where his understanding was or where he may be coming from. That was almost worse.


I answered honestly and it didn’t become a big deal.


NOTE: Any 13 year old girl for generations  rates peer acceptance as critical at this age  — only child, one of many — same thing.


Sex probably isn’t even on the table, if at all, she just does obsess and worry about what her/his peers think of her/him. 


 I’d be more concerned if it was a girl and it was boys, boys, boys about everything with little friendships among female peers.


If she wants to look good and not stand out. That’s normal.  She notices how other kids dress and wants to fit in.  (Him/her)


I would be more concerned with asking her questions that can help you identify her self-image — what may be/have influenced her perception of a positive self-image?


It is likely girls with low self-esteem are more susceptible to doing things with boys that is questionable rather than those busy with sports, extra-curricular activities, hobbies, activities, strong family ties.


Talking about sex didn’t surface until the girls were around 16 — where parental permission was still required for tattoos, piercings — which was a far more important discussion at the time than birth control.


If you worry about sex in an unwanted pregnancy kind of way, then you can go at an angle of annual physical check ups, especially around 15, on whether she would be needing any sort of birth control. (Standard response by abstaining girls: “Geez Mom/Dad that’s gross!”)


You could schedule to meet the school counselor to seek advice on when or how to broach the subject of sex with one’s child. They should be able to give you multitudes of resources: books to reads, website links.


With three girls, two years apart, with the youngest watching, taking in what the older two are talking about, ears open, who liked to report their goings on to me and ask her own questions.


Is there a boy in the picture? That is a bell ringing, as in your door bell. I kept steadfast rules for all: if they were going on a date or out with a boy, he had to come to the house to pick her up, to give us a chance to meet the lucky guy. There are likely signs that you’re picking up on that may challenge you to ask whether there was anything that needed asking or concerned about beyond what is scary for any parent.


Fingers crossed you have a warm, open, dialogue with any kid, so they will be comfortable with your inquiry for their well being, not inquisitive inquisition, or on the ready to pounce and start preaching. At 13, they tend to do the thing that is the most likely to bug you.


Remember, you are setting an example and providing the observance for a child. Heed your own actions and give them the right foundation to expect from healthy, loving relationships between boys and girls in the right circumstance and all the proper reasons.





Monday, December 18, 2017

PA-LEASE [ #PLEASE ] GIVE ME A BREAK!


Maybe this will be my rantings blog     

 

Yet that is just what fuels a lot of misconceptions of women in general.  There are a lot of funny references to levels of contribution in the world, like:

* domestic goddess

* Mary Tyler Moore famous role or Donna Reed character from the early years of television (which was invented LONG time before I was born)

* Screen sirens like Marilyn Monroe to wannabes like Madonna and Britney Speers (however you spell that since it confused spell checker, back space, highlight, right click on mouse, then click selection from option or suggestion to go on a bigger digging expedition with Google .... )

* Perky, cute role models like Katie Couric (and I'm Canadian eh?), Maria in The Sound of Music character, Samantha in Betwitched, Olivia Newton John in Grease or whomever you would insert as a name that you relate time for this genre.

The less popular, yet more communicated is the aggressive female executive.




Re: CareerBuilder Job Application : Banking Administrative Assistant

Inbox
x
7:20 AM (10 hours ago)


to me
Hello

Can I confirm you have a valid Canadian securities course?

Best

Michelle
Talent Management Leader

On Dec 15, 2017, at 1:52 PM, Jeannette Marshall via CareerBuilder
  
CareerBuilder.ca
You have received .... by replying to this email. Your Reference ID for this job is CAN_s.
 

 Thank you for your response Michelle.  I appreciate the reaction :o)

No, I did not state in my CV or anywhere having taken the Canadian Securities Course certification, however, I did confirm that I have Canadian (Secret-past and Reliability-now) Securities Status issued by the Canadian government.  To some, that is valuable validation:  me, for one, to indicate that I am an honest person.

Intellectually, I have had to go from a newly hired to jump into one of the most critical portfolios by one of my greatest managers who recognized my strength in my ability to parachute in with both feet landing on the ground:  exuding confidence and expertise, building trust immediate.  I could communicate with executives on a personable level after being kicked out of the nest within only a month of onboarding to attending a festive cocktail..... smoozing with distinguished executives of Canada's most high-powered, rubbing elbows in a small circle where one woman was engaging support and advice from the other women, pretty oblivious to the aggressive antics of single ladies and young manifico males trouncing on former friends to get ahead:  I could actually contribute.  I had the experience of deciding I would not go back to work fulltime unless my children would have no less care than I, myself, would provide [ aka super woman extraordinaire or Yuppy ] settling with a full time live out nanny to enhance my home, children, spouse, career, employer without any sacrifice other than my pocket book.  


But some days don't you just wanna send an email response like this?  Instead, we're required to remain refined and poised when all we want to do is scream!

Speaking of screaming
I jump on Quora fairly infrequently but deciding more recently that I really like the experience there.  Since I have this thirst for knowledge and pursuit of really interesting things.  It allows me to keep the vibe of catching the vibe of what is going on online.


I had a best friend who became my enemy. I don't think she knows or cares, but after winter I'm afraid I'm going to scream at her in class. What do I say or do to avoid that?

5 Answers


Jeannette Marshall
Jeannette Marshall, in order to reinforce my own learnings and leanings, i try to help others


More questions posed to me
and my responses.   An unofficial, non-compensated version of Dear Abby or who is doing that anymore anyhow? (Search and insert information and link] to which I dole out habitually and consistently.  My take on motherhood and what my takeaways are from the experience:











Honestly?
Well I want to be a Queen, princess at the very least. With it the responsibility of always being fashionably dressed, impeccable coif, an assistant, a butler, a maid, a financier, at the very least. People curtsy or bowing upon meeting. I would wear gloves to avoid germs, dirt, disease.
I am financially reliable since I can provide my own tiara, having a selection of a few.
I am humble, I try to help others without any monetary reward. Although, treasuring honesty, admit that I salvitate at the thought of compensation from people reading my gripes, quips, tips, trips posts.
I am truly sorry!
I got sidetracked, totally disregarding the question. I apologize. Oopsie.
Simply?
Go to the Nobel website and determine under which category you feel more aligned with: peace, literature, for examples, then study who have been the most recent recipients that you more closely identify with: can adopt a believable adaptation of anyone of them by providing the skill and talent to stand beside them. Then I’d say:
Go for it!
Who is anyone that could contradict YOU?
YOU are the ONLY person in lives in that house: your brain, body.

I Representing distinguished "Career" mothers
Not the ones who decided to stay home, afforded or forced or otherwise.
That is the stereotypical response to when most people think of what the 
term means.  Immediately conjuring up the names from the past, deeply
entrenched in our subconscious and belief system.




YOU CAN. When you determine the qualities and define what a “good relationship” means to you.
YOU CAN. Continuously keep in touch whether it is instantaneous via technology like SKYPE or FACETIME (Apple(c) at a mutually agreed schedule or scheduled time.
YOU CAN: Express how important this “good relationship” is to you at every opportunity, whether verbally, over the telephone, video, web, email, post, handwritten or printed letter, diagrams, cartoons or poems, including the person who is whom you share this “good relationship” with. [I am answering from the female perspective, uniquely my own opinion].
YOU CAN: Be devout, devoted, moral, demonstrative, philosophically and physically showing your commitment to both the relationship and continuing to be worthy of the relationship. Understanding, you reap what you sow.
YOU CAN: Control your own behavior regardless of circumstance or circumstances you find yourself in. Being worthy of that ‘good relationship’.
YOU CAN: Keep in touch steadfastly and faithfully, divulging periods of blackout due to foreseen or surprise.
YOU CAN: Hold the same expectations of yourself as you would the other member in the ‘good relationship’.
YOU CAN: Withhold from behavior that you would not have should the object of desire or person within the ‘good relationship’.
YOU CAN: Resort to inspiration from scripture or literature or art. Be wary of bad habits or undertakings that can deteriorate the eyes of the ‘good relationship’.
YOU CAN: treat your significant being in the ‘good relationship’ no worse than you would your mother, daughter, friend, military team mate.
YOU CAN: continue to be the person to whom the ‘good relationship’ was formed from.
YOU CAN: go home or wherever said “good relationship” is at every chance you get.
YOU CAN: communicate your love, devotion, feelings, missings, musings, fears, desires, goals, ambitions.

YOU CANNOT: control the other person while you are away. They will make their mistakes, face their consequences, commit niceness or nastiness, without you.

 As it should be.

I know, easy eh?



Monday, November 6, 2017

Just ask Quora:

How do you prove bullying in the workplace?

2 Answers

J.P. Ribner